


As you lay there

by SarahDeVicomte



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode: s08e14 This is Not Happening, F/M, Inner Dialogue, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahDeVicomte/pseuds/SarahDeVicomte
Summary: Brief Scully thoughts while she discovers Mulder dead in the episode “ this is not happening” from season 8





	As you lay there

There are things that are still beautiful in the world while you lay there but I can’t see them. I see their lights and their colors, I can even sense their meaning but I feel nothing. I feel neutral. I need to feel neutral not to feel the pain inside me. And as I block the pain out, i block everything else out. I block the memories we shared. I block that time we met, in the basement, the smile I had on when you asked your provocative question about the existence of aliens. I block the memory of you and I when we talked for hours at night even though you were in pain and I was feeling too alive. I block the memory of my recovery. The new light I felt after the cancer had gone, the meaning i was trying to put in what had happened to me. I block the memory of what I felt because it reminds me of what I feel here while you lay there.

The colors of the sunset are gorgeous but you lay there, and you are dead.

Of all the times I have seen you come back to life, I would have assumed that you would, one more time, because the day was so beautiful and because you always seemed.

But you lay there, unanimated. And I’m standing there, unanimated.

There are things that are still beautiful in the world while I am standing there. I can see their lights and their colors, I can even sense their meaning.

It’s growing inside me.


End file.
